Isn't It Lonely
by Musical Skater
Summary: He wanted to break my will, but he will never accomplish it. He would have to take my hope from my cold hands. "I will find my way out of here. If it takes all night, or a hundred years. I will make my way back to you." I placed my hand on my heart. "I promise it. You know I keep my promises." *Song Fic based off Billie Eilish's Lovely*


**I was listening to some music when I came up with this idea so here it goes.**

 **I do not own Billie Eilish's Lovely but it is a beautiful song! I suggest listening to it while reading. It might help with the aura I was going for.**

 **All rights given to the original creators and artist.**

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I clutched my injured arm with my left hand. I felt the pain skyrocket as I slumped against my the glistening black rock that was my cage. I stared hopelessly as the Gum-Gums closed me in once more. I tried to rise up onto my feet but my pain kept me from my place against the wall. I clenched my teeth and screwed my eyes shut.

 _If I die, it would be this moment._

I opened my eyes with ragged breathes as I heard Nomura being thrown back into her cell beside me.

 _At least I wasn't alone._

We both kept our silence, both knowing the pain we were both with standing. We were battling for Gunmar's entertainment after all. We both knew what the other had to do to survive here.

I slowly raised to my feet as I noticed I still had a piece of chalk with me from when I drew everyone I missed earlier in the mission. Before I lost my last chance to leave this place.

 _And possibly the last time I hear their voices._

I clutched the chalk in my hands and started drawing on the black rock. It didn't hold well, so I had to be careful with where I placed my hand. I didn't know what I was truthfully doing, but I knew I needed something to keep my sanity. So, I let myself go.

My mind was numb as my body drew what felt like endless lines on the obsidian like cage. Once done, I stepped back from my mind's creation. I was a giant portrait of Claire. Her smile bright against the darkness of the wall. Her hand tucking a strain of hair behind her ear. Her like freckles being light little dots of the white chalk.

 _It's not perfect, but it's as close as I can get._

I placed my hand on a bare part of her cheek. I didn't noticed I started crying until my vision was blurred and the lines were unclear. I put my free hand over my mouth and shut my eyes in despair. All of my hopelessness and angst and lost was flowing through me.

 _I miss her. So, so much._

I miss everyone. I miss my mom and her worries. I miss Toby and his stress eating. I miss Blinky and his endless speeches that made my mind confused yet my soul fuller. I miss AAARRRGGHH! and the way he was basically a giant stone teddy bear. I even miss school and the normalcy of the seven hours of torture.

 _But now I know true torture._

I rubbed my eyes with my armored fingers and stared back at my portrait. I put my forehead against the wall, right under Claire's freckles.

"I will find my way out of here. If it takes all night, or a hundred years. I will make my way back to you." My free hand formed into a fist and I placed it on top of my heart. "I promise Claire. I promise all of you. You know I keep my promises."

I pushed myself back from the wall and gave it a weak smile as my armor had a soft red glow. Gunmar wants to break my will? We will have to take my hope from my cold hands. No matter what, I will go back to them. Either they find me, or I will find a way back to them. He will not stop me. I know where I must be. I placed my right hand now above where the amulet should of been.

"Someday I'll make it out of here."

I took one step closer to the drawing with a swell of determination within my chest.

"And it will be lovely. You'll be there to welcome me home."

I glided the back of my fingers right above the drawing's jaw.

"The sun will shine, the darkness forgotten, and time would be the least to care. And I will be home. Home to you, Claire. Home to everyone. To Blinky and AAARRRGGHH! and Toby and Mom. I will be there."

I gave myself a small smile.

"They would have to tear me apart. They would have to leave me as skin and bone for me to not go back to you. They'll have to kill me."

I backed away from the drawing with great pride. Nomura might think I'm insane at this point, but this is how I'll win. This is how I'll escape. With the remembrance of what and who I love. With all that I have waiting for me to return, I will continue to have strength. Pain be damned.

I will have my welcome home.


End file.
